The Mesmerized

I realized something today. I was thinking of what to write, and how to make it sound interesting. That's when it struck me - my life isn't that interesting at the moment. There is no way I could write interesting things for readers if I were to write only about my life. Like a personal blog.

Still that's sort of what I want. I need a place to write, a place to throw up my words on.

At the moment? I'm just sitting here, listening to Regina Spektor (I'm so pretto) and writing. I don't feel like playing WoW (really!?), I don't feel like cosplaying (even though my materials arrived today), I don't really feel like doing anything. So I write. Tomorrow is Midsummer Eve, and I'll be going to my boyfriends place for a party. Fun I suppose, but then? I'll go back to work. My very relaxed and not-very-job-like job as a project leader for my town's Sweet Art group. At least I get money. Which I will spend on travelling. But then what? What happens after that? I don't know.

I'm in that mood. The mood where I usually go out for a walk and sit on a rock on a hill for two hours and stare into the sky with music in my ears. Funny how I don't see it as a waste of time.

Right, so this was a depressing and pretentious post. Never mind, I just need to get it out of my head. It's no biggie. Hopefully tomorrow will be better? I have no idea to be honest. I just feel... sad, I suppose.

It's the music. It has a way of affecting me.

Funny, I don't seem to be able to stop writing today. It feels so good, like I could write forever. Just emptying my head. My hands are writing words without any real meaning, and my head isn't even involved. What am I supposed to do? I feel a little bit lost. So many people, things and relations to keep track on, and I'm just playing it off. Not caring much.

Anyway, kudos to anyone who actually read this vomit. There will probably be more, but hopefully with some funnier posts in between.

I'll just keep throwing up my words as usual.

I'm playing around with a new design atm. We'll see how it turns out!

There are so manythings happening at the same time right now, I don't even want to describe it all. I'm seriously wondering how I'm going to cope with all this. I can't be a good school girl, a good friend, keep up with my hobbies, and at the same time be the best of support for my family. It doesn't work out that way.

I just wonder why everything has to come at once. I mean, where is the justice in this world? I'm not as worried about my sister as I am about my parents, and I seriously wonder how much more oof this shit they can take. I wish there was something I could do.

Until then, I am so glad I have my friends. My real friends, that is. I know which ones of you that really care, and which ones that just keep telling me it will get better without caring at all. Or just being curious. I dunno. It just feels weird.

However, to be able to take my sisters illness, my parents stress, school and everything that ocmes with it, I'll just have to focus on one thing at a time, I suppose. I really want to start writing more. I know this blog is atm very personal, and right now I want to keep it that way. I write the cosplay blog officially, that is enough. I need some private space as well, and this small space will work just fine for now. Even though I might never read this text again, it feels nice to get these thoughts out of my head. Fwoosh, away with you.

I hope, with all my heart, that it will get better. That those incompetent, idiotic bastards calling themselves doctors will finally get their thumbs out of their asses and start working. And the shrinks as well, otherwise they can go fuck themselves, litterally.

To be honest, I wonder how long I'm going to hold out myself. Spending an hour today home alone without knowing what was going on was horrible. And the worst part is that she doesn't even know it. Or more like, she doesn't care.

I hate everything right now.

Tomorrow I will have my first day at my temporary work, Willy's. I'm so fucking nervous it's insane. Mostly because the others in my class just spend this week by doing whatever the ywant to do, while I was stupid enough to take the teacher's word seriously and get a week-job. I'm going to be working from 8 to 16 in that freaking place. Hopefully I can "be sick" or something for the rest of the week, but at least I'm gonna try it out at least once...

Otherwise happy.

Bloody talk about Christmas now, probably cause the blog is new and I want to fill it. Will have funnier updates within the nearest future. As I had predicted, talking with E helped a lot. I love him. Thinking of wishing my guildies a happy Christmas now, and then go to bed. Am tired and tomorrow's gonna be a big day. I just realised as well that I can probably keep blogging with my cellphone - God bless Androids. So, Merry Christmas everyone! Have a good one.

Why on earth am I feeling Christmas Sadness?
I feel sentimental and down. That's just weird to me, since I'm a person who usually enjoys Christmas to booth.
If I could choose, right now I'd like to be

1. ...sitting with my family.
2. ...with my boyfriend.
   
3. ...in a good mood.

It's like, sitting here on my own makes me so sad. And I know I shouldn't even sit here, I have so much wrapping to do, so many rhymes to write. Totally hopeless.

Ah well. Gonna call E in a minute, hopefully he can cheer me up :3

No wait. I just listened to a very good song. Fairytale of New York. Totally cheered me up! Yay Christmas!

Speaking of Christmas... It's due tomorrow, because in Sweden we celebrate on Christmas Eve and not on Christmas Day. Have no idea why I just wrote that, since I will have no followers already by my second post, but it doesn't really matter.

I'm in a strange mood, wanting to play World of Warcraft, but having this urge to go finish wrapping my presents...uuuuurk.....

Must...resist....log in.... no...go back... Zazaji, log in ... no... resist.....